Sonic Fan Club For Humans!
by S1lver Wolf
Summary: In Station Square there exists a club for those characters who, during their adventures with Sonic The Hedgehog, have acquired a certain obsession with the Blue Blur. None of these characters from Sonic's past are liked by the populous, nor are they mentally healthy. Why, then, does Robotnik want to use them for his evil plans?
1. Prologue

Soooooooo... This is just a weird little idea that I had...and decided to follow through with. This is not a part of my other story, and is purely a bit of strange fun. My only explanation for the initial idea of this story is that it was late and I was tired. It WILL be finished, however.

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THE CHARACTERS OWNED BY SEGA ARE PROPERTY OF SEGA. OBVIOUSLY.**

* * *

"SNIVELY!" The voice echoed throughout the mechanized base, reverberating throughout the walls in such a way that, though he was clear across the structure, a small bald man in green heard it and took off immediately, abandoning his most recent science project where it sat sparking on the table. Just moments after the bellowing ceased, a new sound appeared, this one of feet swiftly slapping the ground accompanied by the occasional indistinguishable mutter. (Though, if one listened closely, 'pompous', 'overweight', and 'tear out his mustache' could be heard)

A few automatic doors later, the bald man burst into the room where the shout had originated from, breathing heavily through his beak-like nose from the sprint. "Yes, Robotnik?" Snively addressed the overweight man seated in the large chair towards the back of the room, inwardly dreading the response. Dr. Ivo Robotnik merely stroked his mustache for a moment, however, before speaking in a gentle tone entirely unfitting for his 'enslave the world' mentality.

"Ahhh, Snively? What took you so long?" In his mind, Snively asked the man how he was able to maintain his weight with a fortress that required this much walking, but in reality, his reply was humble and almost disgustingly servile. "I apologize, Robotnik. What is it you would have me do?"

The doctor's smile was sickening, though it was hard to tell whether that was because it was kind or insane. "Straight to the point, then, eh?" Now Robotnik completely dropped the façade, allowing his evil mastermind qualities to shine through. "I have some new information that might help me finally obliterate that blue pest."

Now, it wasn't as if Snively particularly liked the overweight scientist, (on the contrary, he actually found him unbearable most of the time), nor did he particularly care whether Robotnik's nemesis lived or died. No, what excited him about the madman's statement was the possibility of a new invention. A new, potentially _devastating_ invention.

"What is it, doctor? A new weapon? An ingenious trap? A lethal bomb? Something biochemical, perhaps?" Robotnik chuckled lightly, (a dark, malicious sound that sounded more like the churning of old, rusty machinery and shook his red-clad belly in a way most unflattering), and glued his fingertips together underneath his many chins. "I am glad to see your enthusiasm, Snively, but I have something else in mind." The doctor stood and began to pace in front of his chair, hands clasped behind his back. His black cape fluttered lightly behind him as he waddled back and forth.

"I fear that recently I have been a bit too…(how do I put this?)…boisterous in my efforts to destroy the Freedom Fighters." Snively almost nodded in agreement, but decided that perhaps it might not be the best idea and instead allowed Robotnik to continue. "I have even reached a point where all my attacks are so predictable that I have allowed myself to be _ambushed_. This I cannot stand. This is why my latest plan does not include a weapon. At least not right away." He abruptly ceased in his pacing and pointed a chubby black-gloved finger towards Snively, causing the small man to jump slightly. "I want you to build me a new robot. This time, it is to look completely human. You will bring it to me for the final touches."

Not that Snively had any problem with creating a new robot, but usually he knew what his goal was. "Sir?" He asked nervously. "Yes, Snively?" He wrung his hands anxiously and looked down at the floor. "Not that I have any conflicts with your plan, but what exactly am I building this…this _android_ for?" If Robotnik's eyes were visible behind his dark glasses, they would have glinted evilly. "I am going to infiltrate… _The Sonic Fan Club for Humans_!"


	2. Meet The Club!

__So, I doubt anyone out there remembers who Sara Freedom is. Does anyone remember Sonic The Hedgehog: The Movie? That really cheesy one with Metal Sonic? Yeah, so Sara was the President's daughter in that. I just had to make sure everyone knew that. 'Cause otherwise she seems like a really annoying OC. But she's not.

* * *

_Far away, in a hotel room in Station Square…_

"Now, we will begin this meeting of the Sonic Fan Club for Humans with a roll call!"

"But…is that really necessary?"

"It is if I say it is!"

Inside hotel room #357, (coincidentally the room exactly across from the famous Station Square Chao Garden, which a certain blue hedgehog had once spent a considerable amount of time), three mismatched humans sat around an ordinary wooden table. On the table was assorted Sonic the Hedgehog merchandise, and scattered around them were various newspaper clippings mentioning the hero. Tacked haphazardly on the walls were several posters and a few paparazzi shots featuring the very same hedgehog. All in all, the room was very blue.

"But there are only three members!" whined the youngest member of the Sonic Fan Club for Humans before absentmindedly picking up one of the magazine articles. He was the most recent addition to the club, and he was, so far, also a most unwelcome one.

"I don't care!" The outburst was accompanied by a petulant foot stomp. "Now! I will begin the roll call. Firstly… Sara Freedom!" The girl gave a little twirl with her arms in the air at her own introduction, causing her long cat-like tail to corkscrew around her body rather impressively. "I am here," Sara announced to no one in particular before continuing. "Next we have Princess Elise!"

The cat girl gestured grandiosely towards Elise, who sat silently to her left. The princess straightened a wrinkle in her white dress before speaking. "Sara, I agree with Chris. Is this really necessary?" The girl pouted her lips and stomped her feet, waving her arms wildly. "Just answer! Do what I say because I am the president!" Well, technically her _father_ was the president, though of what nation, no one was quite sure. Club-wise, however, Sara was in charge, but only because she was the first member. Elise sighed. "Here."

"Good!" The girl's cat-ears perked up and a bubbly grin planted itself on her face. "Lastly, we have the newest member of the group, Chris Thorndyke!" Originally, Sara had not wanted to accept the boy into the club, finding him whiny and annoying. This same quality was actually what gained him entry. You see, not many people could whine 'Soooooniiiiiiic!' the way Chris did. "Here."

"Thank you. Now, onto business!" Sara scooped a notepad up from under a headline that read 'Sonic Saves Mobius…Again!' and plucked the pencil from its spiral binding. "Firstly, the chili-dog stand on the corner of 5th and Peridot has recently had a boom in business. I suggest we find out why Sonic has been spending so much time over there. A new love interest, perhaps?" Elise gave a small gasp at this announcement, but Sara began again before she could say anything. "My thoughts exactly, princess. It would be a _disaster_ if that were the case."

The girls were silent for a moment, both with horrified looks on their faces. The confused look Chris shot Sara a few moments later snapped her out of it, letting her continue as if nothing had happened. "Secondly, (though still along those lines), the plans to eliminate Amy Rose have failed." Elise slammed a fist on the table at this. "What? Failed? But that plan was foolproof!" Sara shook her head in mock-sadness. "I thought so too, Elise, but apparently she found the army of dark chao _cute_." The girl shuddered at the word, the fur on her tail momentarily standing on end. "They turned to hero chao overnight."

"Well," Chris piped up cheerfully, " it's not as if Sonic is really interested in her, anyway. I think we should be focusing more on Tails!" The girls shot him an incredulous look. Sara's mouth opened and closed soundlessly like a strange fish before squeaking at the boy in a pitch that should never come out of a living being. "You're worried about _Tails!_" Chris slowly and fearfully nodded. "You expect me to drop my important plans…" "_Our_ plans," Elise interjected, but Sara just ignored her. "…just so you can indulge in your…_sidekick complex!_"

The cat girl's tail was stuck out straight behind her as her fists bunched at her sides. Her eyes somehow turned slightly darker and the bright pink and yellow she wore suddenly seemed less cheery and more ominous. Blood splatters would have fit the mood perfectly. "Well," the boy began meekly, "maybe there are more important things we could do first…"

Sara brightened, but the glare she held remained even as she raised the notebook to her face. Elise fidgeted uncomfortably in the silence. "All right, then." The club president finally broke the glare and scanned through the writing in the notebook. "The next piece of business is Shadow the Hedgehog." Chris, (apparently without much of a lesson learned), piped up at this. "_Shadow?_ Why is _Shadow_ a threat?" This time it was the princess that responded to the boy's outburst with a simple question that answered everything. "You don't read much fanfiction, do you?"

The boy furrowed his brow in thought and looked down in silence while Sara, (who was vehemently ignoring him), continued. "However, we have also run into problems there. He _is_ called the 'Ultimate Life Form' for a reason." Now Elise, taking advantage of Chris's distraction, leaned forward and whispered to Sara. It was such a secretive whisper that, under ordinary circumstances, one would not be able to hear the girls' conversation. However, since I am the narrator, I shall raise the volume a few decibels so we might hear what they said.

"Sara. About the squirrel…"

"Not to worry, Elise! I found a newspaper article saying they found her vest torn to shreds. They think it was a wild crocodile attack!"

"Are you sure? Could they have found something the article didn't mention?"

"I am sure. Sally Acorn is no more."

Elise smiled happily and leaned back into her seat as Chris, oblivious to the conversation that had just taken place, raised his head with a look of horrified realization on his face. "Wait, you mean that…? Sonic and _Shadow?_"

Sara once again ignored the boy. "Now for the final piece of business on my list! We have someone interested in joining!" Elise's eyes widened, both excited by the prospect of the club expanding and horrified by the thought that they might be stuck with _two_ Chris Thorndykes. "Who…?" Sara tapped the notebook with the end of her pencil. "She didn't state her name, but she _did_ say that she was obsessed with Sonic and that we could meet her at noon in the Station Square burger shop."

Elise glanced at her own bare wrist before realizing that she wasn't wearing a watch. "Chris." The boy was still lost in thought, a tortured look on his face. "Chris!" He blinked a few times before looking over at the princess. "What's the time?" He looked down at his wrist. "11:45," he replied robotically. Elise gasped, but Sara just grinned. The president's daughter skipped over to the door, turning around in the doorway and beckoning with one hand. "Come on, fellow club members! We have an initiation to perform!"


	3. A New Recruit?

_At the same time, across town…_

"_Remember, X-67, once you successfully infiltrate the group, you must help them to get closer to Sonic. Then, we will make our strike._"

Android X-67 had very little idea as to whom this 'Sonic' character was, but she, (she had been told her sex by Snively, her creator), _did_ know that her main purpose was to get closer to the blue hedgehog so Robotnik could eventually carry out his plan, whatever that may be. Honestly, since her creation about a week earlier, X-67 found that she knew very little about many things. She knew her backstory, but not much else. And even there, it wasn't as if she knew where 'Westopolis' was, even if it _was_ supposed to be her birthplace.

_"Don't just stand there blankly. Order something! Act human."_

X-67 walked slowly up to the burger shop's counter, the young man behind it giving her a strange look.

_"Stop being so robotic. I gave you an emotion chip for a reason. Now order a hamburger!"_

She tried her hand at a cheery smile, and apparently she had done something correct, for the man smiled back and asked her what she wanted to order. After a flub when she had smiled a bit too much, ("Well _she's _a creepy young lady, isn't she?" an elderly woman said to her husband across the restaurant,) X-67 took a seat in a booth, listening to the voice in her head and awaiting instructions.

_"They should be here any moment. Remember, don't be emotionless. Act natural, and remember your back story. This is the easy part."_

A few moments later, the front doors burst open, a trio of mismatched people loudly entering less than a second after. The man at the counter was already prepared, having quickly pulled a small pair of earplugs from his pocket when he saw them approaching.

_"That's them, X-67! Do you remember your information so you can interact properly?"_

In the front of the group was a girl in her early twenties, bouncy and bubbly, by the name of Sara Freedom. The cat-ears that sprouted from her head and the matching tail were a complete medical mystery. At her birth, the president of wherever called in the best doctors from all over Mobius, but the best they could come up with was that the 'creators' wanted her to have them.

Behind her was another girl around the same age and height with a short crop of hair, dress that cut short at her thighs, and a pair of bright orange tights. This was Princess Elise of Soleanna. She gave up her throne and moved to Station Square to join the club because of recurring dreams she had of kissing Sonic's corpse. Soleanna doesn't miss her.

Lastly, trailing in the back was a boy about half the girls' heights, but his unorthodox haircut made up for some of the difference. His name was Chris Thorndyke, son of Nelson Thorndyke, the

president of a large company, though no one was quite sure what the company does. Chris is actually 18 and from another dimension, or so he says.

"Yes. I remember."

_"I can see your internal data stream just fine, X-67. Do not speak out loud to me. The humans will think you are insane."_

The man behind the counter pointed in X-67's direction, and the trio came over, Sara bouncing energetically in the lead. "HI!" she said loudly and cheerily, causing heads in the restaurant to turn before realizing who it was and going about their previous business. "I think you're the new recruit." She leaned over and scrutinized X-67 closely as if she were an insect under a microscope as Elise and Chris stood in the background impassively.

"Well?" Sara said expectantly. "Tell me your name so we can get on with the initiation." X-67 appeared confused. "My name?"

_"She means your alias."_

"Right. My name is Mary-Sue."

Elise suddenly started chuckling behind Sara. "Well with _that_ name," she said between giggles, "I don't think we even need an initiation!" Sara turned and grabbed the princess' ear. "You don't decide that! We always have an initiation!" The cat/girl gave Elise's ear a particularly hard squeeze, making her yelp, before releasing the appendage.

"I am sorry about that, Mary-Sue," she said sweetly to X-67. "I am the president of the club, Sara Freedom. The girl with the orange legs is Elise, and the whiny midget is Chris." She sat in the booth across from the android, purposefully not scooting over enough for the others. Sara pulled out a small notebook and a pencil. "So, what do you think makes you qualified to be the newest member of the Sonic Fan Club For Humans?"

X-67 blanked out for a moment, searching her databanks for that part of her back story. Elise boredly pulled up a chair as the others waited somewhat confusedly for a response.

_"Dammit, X-67! If you are going to search your databanks, then at least make it look like you're thinking!" _

X-67 quickly placed a hand under her chin and squinted in a feigning of thought. "Well," she started, trying her hardest to be as human as possible. "I know everything about Sonic." Sara didn't seem all that impressed. "Hm," she said skeptically, "and you've never accompanied the Blue Blur on any of his adventures?"

"Adventures?"

"Don't tell me you don't know about his adventures, especially after you said you knew _everything _about him. For instance, Sonic saved me from being married to Eggman, the kid actually went into space with him, and, although they may not be exactly _real, _the princess has had dreams of adventures. So I repeat. You've never been with him on any adventures?"

_"Don't panic, X-67. I was prepared for this. I am uploading the information to your matrix now."_

"Actually," X-67 said somewhat smugly, "there are many adventures I have been on with Sonic, according to several websites..."


	4. Poison Ivy Is NOT Shampoo!

_Dusk, that same day, the Mystic Ruins._

X-67, (who the narrator shall from now on refer to as 'Mary-Sue' due to the fact that X-67 is a tiring name to have to read again and again), glanced behind her shoulder to see the roof of the building high on the hill by the coast. One of the targets was there, and she decided that she would check him off the list as she came back. Brushing the long brown hair out of her artificial green eyes, she headed into the jungle.

There was no specific order in which she had to complete her tasks, it was just that the voice in her head had told her that this one was the easiest to do first. _"After all", _it had explained, _"he's so slow, it'll be months before he notices anything's gone."_ So here she was, entering the jungle in near dark dressed in skinny jeans, a blue V-neck, and white tennis shoes.

Mary-Sue's task, (which seemed thought up on the spot by the president of the fan club), seemed simpler than it actually was. She had been charged with bringing back one item from each of the people who had been on an adventure with Sonic more than once. While the 'more than once' bit saved her from having to go to some of the more obscure people, it was still a hefty list.

The mosquitoes seemed to learn after a few minutes that the maintenance fluid flowing through Mary-Sue's body was toxic, so her trip through the forest was relatively uneventful. Actually, had she _not _been an android, the trek probably would have landed her in a bath of calamine lotion from the poison ivy she had bumbled through while the voice in her head was giving her directions without caring for the trails. By the time Mary-Sue reached her destination, there were more than a few branches sticking haphazardly out of her hair.

_"I can hear the snoring from here. I don't believe you will have much of a problem with this one, X-67. Switch on your night-vision. Let's get this over with and move on."_

Mary-Sue quickly did as she was told, tinting her vision with lime green. As soon as she did, she could make out a hulking figure on a makeshift bed, it's bulbous belly rising and falling. She glanced up at the huge husk of tree trunk that towered behind the large cat's 'house' before continuing to advance slowly. Skillfully avoiding any dead twigs that might make a cliché _*snap*, _Mary-Sue quietly stepped up onto the wooden platform surrounding the dead tree.

_ "Take the bobber off his fishing rod. Do it quickly."_

Crouching and walking forward slowly, Mary-Sue approached the fishing rod next to the cat's bed, whose snores were deafening at this distance. Reaching forward, she grasped the fishing line and brought it closer, planning to bite through it with her teeth. Bringing it to her mouth, she... _*RIBBIT* _Mary-Sue froze. _*RIBBIT_* She turned to her left. There, perched on the stomach of the snoring cat, was a frog, staring intently directly at her. _*RIBBIT*_

_"Don't just stare at it! Get the bobber and go!"_

Mary-Sue hesitantly bit through the fishing line. As soon as she did, the frog went into a frenzy, making as much noise as possible and jumping up and down on Big the Cat's stomach vigorously. Soon the snoring stopped, and Big opened his round, yellow eyes. "Froggy?" he looked down at the amphibian in confusion. "What's going on Froggy?" On impulse, Big reached down to grab his fishing rod. As he grabbed the handle, he noticed something missing. "Huh? My floaty is missing..."

Already through one plot of poison ivy, Mary-Sue ran, removing the fishing hook from the length of wire connected to the bobber and tossing it behind her as she went.

_Just before dawn of the next day, the Mystic Ruins._

Wiping his forehead with the back of his oil-stained hands, Miles 'Tails' Prower blinked the wooziness out of his head. He grabbed for the crescent wrench near his feet, refusing to acknowledge what time it was, or the fact that he had woken up at five 'o clock the morning before, or how the sky outside the open garage was becoming visibly lighter by the second. He had to get the Tornado fixed as soon as possible. Sonic might need it.

Tails tightened the bolts on the metal plate he had just replaced on the underside of the plane, fighting the urge to lie his head down on the oily concrete and sleep right then and there. He rubbed a small scratch in the blue paint before sliding out from beneath the large machine, feeling lightly dizzy when he stood up. _There, it's flyable again. Now for sleep._ Tails walked outside of the garage, flying upwards a small ways and grabbing the frayed rope attached to the sliding door, letting gravity pull both him down and the door closed.

The fox rubbed his head tiredly as he rounded the side of his house. Glancing at the sky he saw that the stars were already almost completely gone, and looking over to the east, he saw the horizon beginning to turn a light blue. He was completely ready to rush into his house and flop full-force on his bed, but was stopped by something down in the clearing at the bottom of the hill. It was a person. They appeared to be human, female, covered in jungle foliage, and heading directly for him.

He squinted to make out more details as the girl quickly approached. Tails could have sworn that the branches sticking crazily out of her hair looked like poison ivy, but she didn't seem bothered, so he shrugged it off. "Are you ok?" he questioned, hoping that he didn't sound overly tired. "Do you need help?" The girl finished climbing the hill emotionlessly and without response, but once she arrived at the top, she smiled. "I'm fine," she said kindly. "Are you Tails?"

Tails looked at her suspiciously as he nodded. _No... That really is poison ivy..._ "Why don't you come in?" he said hesitantly, knowing that Sonic would probably help, so he should, too. "You look like you've been through quite a bit." He opened the door, keeping a close eye on the strange girl as he did so. She appeared to be walking just fine as she entered the workshop, and she didn't appear to have any scrapes or cuts, despite the state of her clothes. There was something being clutched tightly in her left hand, but Tails couldn't tell what it was. "So," he said as he closed the door behind them and flicked on the light, "it looks like you were running through the jungle all night. Are you ok? What's your name?"

The girl smiled. "My name is Mary-Sue," she said sweetly. "I was camping in the jungle with my friend. They left me, though. I had to walk back alone." Tails was becoming more and more suspicious. Nobody in their right mind would camp in the Mystic Ruins jungle, not unless they wanted to get lost in a sea of insects, toxic plants, and wild carnivores. On second thought, nobody would camp in _any _jungle. Jungles just aren't made for that sort of thing. "Well," he said, still trying to be as nice as possible, "There's a bathroom down the hall. First door on the right. Why don't you clean yourself up?"

Mary-Sue nodded once and headed down the hall. Tails watched the whole way, waiting for her to disappear into the bathroom before jogging into the kitchen and grabbing his mobile phone off the counter. He quickly dialed and held the device to his ear, waiting for the ringing to stop and the talking to begin. After a moment, he heard a groggy voice from the speaker.

"Hello?"

"Sonic!"

"Tails? You do realise it's almost five in the morning, right?

"Then why did you answer?"

"Good point. What's up, little buddy?"

"Well," he said quietly, peeking around the corner and down the currently empty hallway, "have you ever heard of anyone camping in the jungle?"

"What? Who goes camping in the _jungle_? And why are you asking me this?"

"Because there's a girl in my house right now who says she was camping in the jungle."

"Don't be a lech, Tails."

"I don't even know how you know what that word means. And I'm not! She just walked up to my house with her hair full of poison ivy. _She knows my name, Sonic!_"

"Well you are pretty famous. And... Wait. Isn't poison ivy really bad for you?"

"No, it's great. That's why it's called _poison_ ivy."

Suddenly there was a loud banging sound, and it made Tails yelp as his fur stood on end. It took him a moment before he realised that it was just the sound of the front door closing. _Wait... _"I think she just left..." He heard Sonic chuckle lightly through the phone speaker. "I guess she already had a boyfriend, huh Tails?" The fox made a disgusted face at his phone. "She was _human_, Sonic. And at least five years older than me."

"Oh. You had a seventeen year-old human girl with poison ivy in her hair in your house at five 'o clock in the morning?"

"Now do you see why I was a little freaked out?"

"I'm beginning to."

"Wait a second..."

Tails approached the open tool box he had just noticed near the hallway entrance. He looked down at it in confusion. "Sonic, I think she took my flat-head screwdriver..."

_Four hours later, at the Fan Club HQ..._

"I think we all know what is going to happen with little miss Mary-Sue."

"What?"

"Quiet, Chris."

"Thank you, Elise. The first possibility is that it will take her a month to complete the list. The second possibility is that she will breeze through it until she reaches Amy Rose. Then she'll get a piko piko hammer upside the head."


End file.
